On the Other Side of Anxiety

Maybe you’ve heard this saying before “what’s on the other side of your fears?” I have heard it many times, from various sources and explained in several different ways. Recently, I decided to follow those prodding me on to face my fears and push through the wall of anxiety, and everything shifted.

I woke up looking at my calendar and contemplating the tasks that were written with dedication and commitment just days prior. I paused my perusal of said list and replayed my personal ‘start the day mantra’, “Today is a very good day” I repeated my mantra again and again, as I allowed and encouraged myself to feel what this very good day would be like. As I felt the feelings of strength, happiness, excitement, and eagerness arise inside of my being, I repeated again, “Today is a very good day.”

My eyes fell back upon my calendar and they quickly zeroed in on Keller Williams Team Meeting @noon. ‘Team Meeting at noon,’ I thought to myself. My mind began to play forward through various scenarios of what the team meeting could be like. I was brand new at the company and this would be my very first team meeting.

I felt a heaviness begin to emanate from my chest. I imagined walking into the room, would there be a ton of people present or would there be only a few? Would it start on time, or run late? Would I find parking or have to walk too far? Would I get nervous and start sweating and repeat the same word, like I do sometimes when I get nervous. I heard the answers to my questions come as quickly as the questions posted in my brain. There may be a ton of people, and maybe you won’t get a seat, it may start late so don’t rush, you are always early and no one else is ever early, it may run late and you have a meeting after so you might need to skip it, what if you have to park far away and walk that would be annoying, remember the first luncheon you attended, remember how you started to get hot all of the sudden and then your face started to sweat and your eyeglasses actually fogged up a bit, at your browline, that was embarrassing, it’s so irritating when you get anxious and you go off into some space of knowing only five words, you repeat the same word over and over as if it’s the only word you know. These thoughts raced through my mind like Mario Andretti in the Daytona 500!

I stood there in my bedroom and I contemplated my situation. My accountability was to myself. I knew I could get back in bed and take the day to relax, shop, get some sun, … or… I could go to my first ever Team Meeting. I recalled all the instructions I had received from all of the books, videos, and CDs I had been listening to for YEARS and I thought to myself, if I don’t do something different than what I’ve been doing, nothing will change. I heard Tony Robbins, Joe Dispenza, Wayne Dyer, Gary Vee, all inside my head steering me forward to break through the anxiety and move past it. If I push through and sincerely go after “IT” I will find “IT”. I immediately took my phone and went on YouTube and looked up some of my favorite inspirational videos. I hit play and started doing my makeup and hair. A few negative thoughts tried to seep back in, but I was building momentum and they were much weaker than before. The inspirational video finished its 10-minute playtime and I chose another one and found myself shifting to a sense of excitement for what may lie ahead within my day. I kept listening to those videos as I dressed, walked my dogs, took my vitamins, and headed out the door.

I arrived at the meeting and had to park only a moderate distance away as there was one perfect little spot left, waiting just for me. I could see others walking in and knew it would be a packed room. I walked into the room and it was full there were just a few seats here and there in the very back. I made my way down the narrow opening along the wall twisting and turning as I passed by person after person. Everyone was talking and the room was full of energy and noise. I noticed three seats on the back wall and headed to them. I asked if one was taken and a lady sitting nearby said no. I sat down and felt safer than I did when I was walking into the room. At least now I had my spot, my little safety zone. I took a deep breath and I looked around the room. So many people were there and I knew maybe seven of them and those seven I just met a week ago. A crazy gambit of negative thoughts exploded within my mind, but I immediately stopped their raid and protest. I thought to myself, these people are just like me. They eat, they sleep, they are just like me. I focused on the actual moment and got out of my head, and once I became present I felt so calm and good.

So I’m sitting there on the back wall and the meeting is about to start and this cute blond lady comes and sits by me. She’s really cute. She is wearing this fitted black outfit and she has on these fantastic red shoes. I love her shoes and I comment on how pretty they are and I contemplate how I have always wanted to wear red shoes but I always go with the same old same old, tried and true black ones. She’s wearing very nice jewelry and has a great haircut. The energy this woman is emanating is fantastic. Her energy is calm, present, focused, joyful, and fulfilled. She came off as a woman who was strong and knew where she was going. I am an energy person. I am very sensitive to the energies people put off and I sense things, I sometimes see things before they happen. Anyways, this lady had great energy and I was glad she sat next to me. Her energy alone made me feel more comfortable and it helped me stay present and in the moment.

The meeting starts and I notice on the handout that the new people are going to be asked to introduce themselves. Huh. I’m not sure why I didn’t think of this ahead of time but as my eyes read the words a rush of insecurity came over me like a flood. I looked around the room again and I said to myself, “they are just like you.” I reminded myself these people are all thinking their own thoughts, dealing with their own lives, maybe even nervous to be there too. I took a deep breath and stayed present and felt the calm return. As long as I stayed present and didn’t take a ride on the bus of anxiety and doom that kept trying to entice me to jump on, as long as I stayed aware and kept redirecting my thoughts, then I was good.

The moments came and went and the meeting unfolded and progressed. I was thinking to myself, “This isn’t that bad, I can do this.” I was happy I was there. The people were very nice. I felt like they genuinely wanted to be there and they sincerely liked each other. I was riding a wave of coherence and it felt good. The cute little blond lady next to me has been a great help too. She just kept interjecting here and there as the meeting was unfolding and she was quite funny and she made it easier for me to just be me. A few minutes into the meeting this woman I have just befriended turns towards me and sticks out her hand and says, “Hi, I’m Rebekah.” I shake her hand and introduce myself. We smile and continue forward through the meeting. The speaker is talking and the meeting is moving onward and I’m replaying the introduction that just took place. Rebekah. Rebekah. Hmmm, most people I’ve met say their last name too. Hmm. Rebekah. I look back over at her and study her features a little more earnestly. All of the sudden I feel a smile start to break on my face, I let out a quiet and tiny giggle and I think to myself, “Oh my God, I’m sitting next to the owner of this Keller Williams Market Center! I had never met her before but I had seen a few pictures and I had heard about her and her husband and how successful they have been and how great they are to work for, and now… now… I’m at the Team Meeting I almost didn’t go to, the meeting I contemplated skipping, and now I am sitting next to the owner laughing and talking about The Gilmore Girls. At that moment I thought to myself… “Today is a very good day!”

On the other side of the wall of anxiety can be some of the greatest moments of your life.better red shoes

Upside Down You Turn Me

How fast can the game change? How fast can life turn a corner? …Well, how fast can you think a new thought, or change your perception? … Less than four days ago I was infinitely immersed in sincere deliberation of my personal economic future. Beyond personal, it was also the financial fate of my immediate family that swayed through my thoughts, on a rope braided with positives and negatives, pros & cons. Is it truth to say that contemplating ones future life’s work with single-minded interpretation is selfish? Hovering over my thoughts, while navigating my emotions I found myself seeking middle ground. Looking for a landmark, a safe and recognizable place I could retreat to, to allow me to find my bearings and establish my location, I found myself pondering the notion of actually trusting everything would work out, and releasing the need to control it all. I let go. I went on with my day. Life played out its beautiful song as the hours performed their solos. Time passed and I pictured those Lilies we’ve heard about. The ones growing beautifully in that field, without a care, yet in complete and utter splendor. “Be the Lily,’ I thought. Within moments, as if carried by the wind, the perfect answer gently rooted itself inside my life. My mind received it, analyzed it, and a feeling of joy, and peace came whirling up within me. I felt so excited. ‘This could seriously solve everything!’ I realized. Releasing my grip, I actually grabbed ahold of all that I needed. The system is in place. Use it. Allow it. Understand in the moments of “this too shall pass” that the plan is still unfolding. If you feel sad, angry, fearful, alone, frustrated, emotionally drained… let those feelings be recognized for the truth they hold in that moment. Allow them to be what they are. Validate their existence, discover the guidance they offer to facilitate healing, and then release them. Thank them for their truth, and their guidance to understanding your state of being, in that moment. Get out-of-the-way and just be the Lily that you are… beautiful, strong, lovely, kind, calm, and true. Here’s to a new day, a good day… a happy day!


…On those days that you feel like a weed… remember you are a Lily and this too shall pass… let go and be the Lily.

*Photo by footage.framepool.com

Walk the Talk

Walk the talk… not always easy. Personally, I am contemplating some big ideas/changes and I am thinking what advice would I give to myself, as I am in this position? I find my thoughts going from, just do it, to just keep your head low and don’t make waves. I’m pondering the possibility that my health may be being affected by my limbo state of decision-making. It’s so easy to say to someone else, “You need to do what’s right for you” … but it’s much more difficult to say it to yourself. I know I will figure this out. Talking to all of you about it, be it ever so brief, and quite vague, I still feel some sort of release. I wish I could say more, and I could but for now this is probably best. It’s nothing life-changing or Universe-altering:) I will keep you posted. Send me good energy, prayers, and love… please. My love to all.


Seek and you shall find… be mindful of what you are looking for.

One Way Or Another

I’m baaack! So sorry for the drop off in posts. It’s been a while and so much has happened. Let’s see… the recap version goes something like this… Family moved away, health needed tending to, kid’s dance and theatre lessons tripled, health has been restored, took emergency flight via a six seater prop plane to see mom before her surgery, left next day as she was doing great, met/meeting a ton of interesting new people, spent summer writing 30k+ word book (Bella Morella, book two- Intentionally Amazing), took daughter to audition for lead role in community theatre play (first audition ever), daughter got the role of Jane Banks in Mary Poppins! (super excited and proud), in publishing stages for book, attending all, and there are many, rehearsals for play with daughter, recently got back on twitter, enjoyed and found my happy place throughout it all, watching Stargate Atlantis and totally falling in LOVE with the show. Now I am coasting through the rehearsals with my daughter, loving every minute and missing them when she has a night off. I am finalizing the book for release very soon, more to come on that. I am searching for other great Sci-fi movies and shows as I am officially addicted, and I am back in the Social Media world via; FB, YouTube, Twitter, Bella Morella website, and Instagram. Too much goodness out there to not join in. I LOVE you all and missed you greatly. Check back in soon….

Hugs! 🙂 oxoxox

….Live your life with gratitude and love, and gratitude and love will fill your life.

Lights….Camera….Action! :)

Hi Guys,

So… new thing I’m adding to the site … Video!!:) I just launched my own YouTube channel (woot-woot!) … and I’m posting a link below to one of my first videos… my essential oil pick of the week and I intend to add more videos with various topics to share with you guys! Enjoy the video and keep stopping by as you never know what I’ll be talking about next:) Please share the blog and channel with your friends. I really appreciate your support!:)

Any suggestions, comments, etc… feel free to comment or email me:)


*graphic credit goes to http://www.glogster.com

Connective Power

Hey so I know it’s not summer yet … and many of us are experiencing rather cold weather but let’s talk coal. Let’s talk coal like in a BBQ grill. Those small, strong, hardworking pieces of potential. Think about it… These pieces of coal get piled together and then set on fire to create enough heat and flame to perform their destined purpose… cook our food.

single piece of coal

We stack them, dump them, and light them and voila. If one piece of coal rolls off to the side and finds itself all alone most of the time it’s flame lessens and it’s powerful heat to fulfill it’s purpose decreases or goes out completely. We are like coal. When we connect with others in our lives and we encourage each other, support one another and work together… well our potential to fulfill our purpose is immeasurable… our passion is on fire! When one of us falls away from our group and finds ourselves alone we eventually begin to feel our light lessen, our fire weaken and our purpose blur. Staying connected to others brings us power! Connective Power! Find good people, believe and envision yourself surrounded by uplifting, encouraging, positive people who will be your BBQ goal group. Stay tight… feed your flames positive and empowering energy and feed the flames of those hot coals all around you. Let the fire get hotter and hotter and let the destiny and purpose of all be fulfilled. Happy Grilling;)


*photos used above found at http://www.colourbox.com & http://www.foodwoolf.com

What’s in your garden?


You reap what you sow… What you send out comes back… Judge not lest ye be judge… You get what you give.

Take a moment. Quiet yourself and think back over your day, the past week even the past year. Do you see things in your life that are pleasant? Do you see truth, honesty, kindness, joy… love? Check your seeds. Check the seeds you have been planting. What actions and or reactions have you been placing into your life and the lives of others. What choices and decisions have you been planting in your life and the lives of those around you? If you plant spinach you will reap spinach. If you plant an orange tree you will get oranges. If you plant goodness you will get goodness. If you plant negative thoughts and deeds… well you get the picture. Sometimes even with the best intentions gardeners forget to weed their gardens. Sometimes even with the best intentions gardeners forget to go the extra mile and fertilize their gardens. Life is so beautiful and resilient. Even if forgotten, weed ridden… or weak… when shown love and caring, gardens respond quickly and powerfully! You got this!

To Do List:

Check our thoughts, words and deeds for weeds

Take time to give a fertilizer of goodness, joy and love to our gardens of life

Reap our harvests … no matter what it will be what we have planted… what we put in is what will come out

Plant LOVE.

Happy Harvesting:)


*photo from theblessinghamgardens.com


Age Old Tried and New ?

Amazed again!!! Seriously. A few weeks ago my neighbor came over to drop off some home-grown veggies. She wanted to say thank you for my husband hauling off a large tree limb from her yard that had fallen down in the Christmas Week Storm. I invited her in and we sat in my living room chatting over a cup of tea (cool right… how many people do you know who actually have a neighbor just show up with home-grown veggies and then comes in to “sit a spell” over a cup of tea… I felt like I was on the Walton’s) and as we visited she asked me what the beautiful scent was. I told her I was diffusing Thieves Oil. Her face lit up with a big smile. “I haven’t heard of Thieves Oil since I was a little girl” she told me. She went on to tell me stories of how her grandmother use to mix up what they called GreatGram’s recipes to help with whatever they were dealing with.

My neighbor is in her 70’s and as I listened to her stories I felt like I was receiving way more than just home-grown veggies. We enjoyed visiting back and forth sharing age-old wisdom that she brought and new-found wisdom I had to share. She loved my oils. We talked about each one (and I currently have 29 different oils and blends) She laughed and shared remedies she remembered GreatGram using on her and her brothers. Many of the oils I now use to help my family she grew up with as their main source of aide and healing! She was pleased to hear these oils were making their way back into our daily lives.

Several days ago she came back over but this time I could tell her face looked worried and troubled. I was outside cleaning out my car when she walked up and asked if I had a moment. She went on to explain to me how her six-year-old great-granddaughter had gotten head lice and due to some developmental issues she struggles with and a very dangerous past reaction to another OTC drug they were frantically searching for an alternative to the toxic lice treatments available. They tried a mayonnaise treatment and left it on for over 12 hours!! … but it didn’t get rid of the head lice. My neighbor was so worried about her great-granddaughter! I immediately got out my huge Essential Oils Desk Reference book and looked up head lice treatments. I found that all the oils they suggested I happen to have on hand. I mixed up what she needed and sent it with her.

It has been about a week now and she just came over again this time with tears in her eyes. She immediately hugged me and with a very broken voice explained how well her great-granddaughter was doing. There is no sign of any head lice and her great-granddaughter experienced no adverse reactions to these natural helpers. In addition her great-granddaughter’s hair is softer and more manageable than ever, and her great granddaughter keeps saying how pretty her hair smells! My neighbor kept saying thank you again and again as she headed back home with happy tears and a huge smile on her face. Three months ago I wouldn’t have had this knowledge to help her.

I am SO loving this oily life!!!!:)    ~ SHARING ~ CARING  & GROWING ~

Here’s a thought…

Here’s a THOUGHT. A thought. Hmmm… Two words that hold unlimited potential and power. Power and potential to create good or to create bad… To bring forth mediocrity or greatness. A thought. Many cultures and beliefs write of this truth.

The Holy Scriptures tell us in Proverbs 4:23, “Be mindful how you think for your thoughts produce your life.” One Buddhist saying states in an English translation, “All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. Albert Einstein said, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

Don’t forget your gift… Your gift of an ability to create your life. This whole concept goes really deep and we could talk about it for days but in a short, daily blog version let’s go with this…  Every time you find the old thought/program starting to run press pause and flip the thought or change the program. Over time this will get easier and easier and before you know it you will function in a whole new way and your life will reflect this too! Every thought can be flipped! Just a few examples.

I wish I was thinner.

I am looking healthier and healthier every day.

I owe so much money.

I am blessed to be able to pay off my bills.

I’m in this alone.

I am surrounded by love.

No one cares.

I am cared for and loved.

I hate my bills.

I love the things I have in my life and I am thankful the creditors trust me.

My knees are so messed up.

I am thankful my knees take such good care of me. I love my knees.

I am tired of all the crap.

I am excited to see what a new day will bring.

Most people don’t even realize how many, many negative thoughts they think and say in just a day! First you need to allow yourself to become aware. Then take your time catching each thought as it comes out of your mouth and flip it. If you catch it before it leaves your mind and exits your lips that’s great but either way don’t give up. Flipping your thoughts from negative to positive will make you feel better. Who can feel good constantly thinking or saying negative things. Thinking positive creates more positive. Thinking negative creates more negative. Whether you like it or not this is the system or set up. So knowing this, step back re-evaluate your thoughts, words and deeds and look at your life. If you don’t like what you see then start flipping those thoughts and actions and start creating the life you want. Happy Creating!;)

I Love You…

You have probably said these three simple yet powerful words to someone at some time in your life. Odds are good that you have heard someone else say these three words to you at least one time. My question is have you ever said these three words to yourself? Most of us haven’t. Most of us believe deep down we love ourselves and we are good people but have we ever told ourselves “I love you?”

I learned a very powerful exercise from a beautiful woman named Louise Hay. I read her book,You Can Heal Your Life, many years ago and I still refer to it all the time. It’s an excellent source for inspiration to be your best “you” …to learn to love yourself sincerely and to heal past wounds and release old baggage. I highly recommend this book. In the book Louise tells the reader to get in front of a mirror and look yourself directly in the eyes. Just stay there for a few minutes looking into your own eyes. Really acknowledge the fact that you are “seeing” yourself. You are looking into your own being. You can see you as a child, a young person, a teenager and an adult. You see the child with your old nickname that you have desperately tried to get rid of and cringe when a distant family member calls you it at a family holiday dinner. You can see the child who maybe endured some type of abuse or bullying. You can see the teenager who felt lost or alone or frustrated with life. You can see all your good moments as well as those moments you have worked so hard to forget. As you view yourself you may feel vulnerable… you may feel anxious or sad or even overwhelmed. Breathe through the feelings…  allow them to be what they are and then release them as a part of your journey. Release them as incidences that occurred in your past. Allow anything negative that may have been attached to these memories to dissolve and leave you as you look in your eyes and say to yourself with heartfelt sincere truth… “I love you.”

Keep breathing and telling yourself, “I love you.” Say this again and again over and over and allow the beauty that begins to surface to evolve completely into a pure connection of your entire being… who you were, who you are and who you are becoming. Every part of you deserves to hear I love you. The parts of you that you may have tried to forget are the parts of you who deserve it the most! You are strong. You are wise. You are brave… every part of you is. You deserve this… this understanding and forgiveness. You deserve this acceptance and deliverance. You deserve this love. Find a quiet, private moment and try this out. It may be one of the best things you may ever do. You are amazing and beautiful… all of you is. Get to know yourself again.

For more info on Lousie Hay and her book You Can Heal Your Life check out…


PS: I love you:)