On the Other Side of Anxiety

Maybe you’ve heard this saying before “what’s on the other side of your fears?” I have heard it many times, from various sources and explained in several different ways. Recently, I decided to follow those prodding me on to face my fears and push through the wall of anxiety, and everything shifted.

I woke up looking at my calendar and contemplating the tasks that were written with dedication and commitment just days prior. I paused my perusal of said list and replayed my personal ‘start the day mantra’, “Today is a very good day” I repeated my mantra again and again, as I allowed and encouraged myself to feel what this very good day would be like. As I felt the feelings of strength, happiness, excitement, and eagerness arise inside of my being, I repeated again, “Today is a very good day.”

My eyes fell back upon my calendar and they quickly zeroed in on Keller Williams Team Meeting @noon. ‘Team Meeting at noon,’ I thought to myself. My mind began to play forward through various scenarios of what the team meeting could be like. I was brand new at the company and this would be my very first team meeting.

I felt a heaviness begin to emanate from my chest. I imagined walking into the room, would there be a ton of people present or would there be only a few? Would it start on time, or run late? Would I find parking or have to walk too far? Would I get nervous and start sweating and repeat the same word, like I do sometimes when I get nervous. I heard the answers to my questions come as quickly as the questions posted in my brain. There may be a ton of people, and maybe you won’t get a seat, it may start late so don’t rush, you are always early and no one else is ever early, it may run late and you have a meeting after so you might need to skip it, what if you have to park far away and walk that would be annoying, remember the first luncheon you attended, remember how you started to get hot all of the sudden and then your face started to sweat and your eyeglasses actually fogged up a bit, at your browline, that was embarrassing, it’s so irritating when you get anxious and you go off into some space of knowing only five words, you repeat the same word over and over as if it’s the only word you know. These thoughts raced through my mind like Mario Andretti in the Daytona 500!

I stood there in my bedroom and I contemplated my situation. My accountability was to myself. I knew I could get back in bed and take the day to relax, shop, get some sun, … or… I could go to my first ever Team Meeting. I recalled all the instructions I had received from all of the books, videos, and CDs I had been listening to for YEARS and I thought to myself, if I don’t do something different than what I’ve been doing, nothing will change. I heard Tony Robbins, Joe Dispenza, Wayne Dyer, Gary Vee, all inside my head steering me forward to break through the anxiety and move past it. If I push through and sincerely go after “IT” I will find “IT”. I immediately took my phone and went on YouTube and looked up some of my favorite inspirational videos. I hit play and started doing my makeup and hair. A few negative thoughts tried to seep back in, but I was building momentum and they were much weaker than before. The inspirational video finished its 10-minute playtime and I chose another one and found myself shifting to a sense of excitement for what may lie ahead within my day. I kept listening to those videos as I dressed, walked my dogs, took my vitamins, and headed out the door.

I arrived at the meeting and had to park only a moderate distance away as there was one perfect little spot left, waiting just for me. I could see others walking in and knew it would be a packed room. I walked into the room and it was full there were just a few seats here and there in the very back. I made my way down the narrow opening along the wall twisting and turning as I passed by person after person. Everyone was talking and the room was full of energy and noise. I noticed three seats on the back wall and headed to them. I asked if one was taken and a lady sitting nearby said no. I sat down and felt safer than I did when I was walking into the room. At least now I had my spot, my little safety zone. I took a deep breath and I looked around the room. So many people were there and I knew maybe seven of them and those seven I just met a week ago. A crazy gambit of negative thoughts exploded within my mind, but I immediately stopped their raid and protest. I thought to myself, these people are just like me. They eat, they sleep, they are just like me. I focused on the actual moment and got out of my head, and once I became present I felt so calm and good.

So I’m sitting there on the back wall and the meeting is about to start and this cute blond lady comes and sits by me. She’s really cute. She is wearing this fitted black outfit and she has on these fantastic red shoes. I love her shoes and I comment on how pretty they are and I contemplate how I have always wanted to wear red shoes but I always go with the same old same old, tried and true black ones. She’s wearing very nice jewelry and has a great haircut. The energy this woman is emanating is fantastic. Her energy is calm, present, focused, joyful, and fulfilled. She came off as a woman who was strong and knew where she was going. I am an energy person. I am very sensitive to the energies people put off and I sense things, I sometimes see things before they happen. Anyways, this lady had great energy and I was glad she sat next to me. Her energy alone made me feel more comfortable and it helped me stay present and in the moment.

The meeting starts and I notice on the handout that the new people are going to be asked to introduce themselves. Huh. I’m not sure why I didn’t think of this ahead of time but as my eyes read the words a rush of insecurity came over me like a flood. I looked around the room again and I said to myself, “they are just like you.” I reminded myself these people are all thinking their own thoughts, dealing with their own lives, maybe even nervous to be there too. I took a deep breath and stayed present and felt the calm return. As long as I stayed present and didn’t take a ride on the bus of anxiety and doom that kept trying to entice me to jump on, as long as I stayed aware and kept redirecting my thoughts, then I was good.

The moments came and went and the meeting unfolded and progressed. I was thinking to myself, “This isn’t that bad, I can do this.” I was happy I was there. The people were very nice. I felt like they genuinely wanted to be there and they sincerely liked each other. I was riding a wave of coherence and it felt good. The cute little blond lady next to me has been a great help too. She just kept interjecting here and there as the meeting was unfolding and she was quite funny and she made it easier for me to just be me. A few minutes into the meeting this woman I have just befriended turns towards me and sticks out her hand and says, “Hi, I’m Rebekah.” I shake her hand and introduce myself. We smile and continue forward through the meeting. The speaker is talking and the meeting is moving onward and I’m replaying the introduction that just took place. Rebekah. Rebekah. Hmmm, most people I’ve met say their last name too. Hmm. Rebekah. I look back over at her and study her features a little more earnestly. All of the sudden I feel a smile start to break on my face, I let out a quiet and tiny giggle and I think to myself, “Oh my God, I’m sitting next to the owner of this Keller Williams Market Center! I had never met her before but I had seen a few pictures and I had heard about her and her husband and how successful they have been and how great they are to work for, and now… now… I’m at the Team Meeting I almost didn’t go to, the meeting I contemplated skipping, and now I am sitting next to the owner laughing and talking about The Gilmore Girls. At that moment I thought to myself… “Today is a very good day!”

On the other side of the wall of anxiety can be some of the greatest moments of your life.better red shoes